The Forest and the Trees

While not something I typically broadcast or wear on my sleeves, I have struggled with pretty significant depression for most of my adult life. I don’t share this out of some desire for shallow attention or self-pity, but rather as a way to identify with the countless numbers of people, both directly around me as well as scattered throughout this globe, who have similarly experienced the depths of this vast internal war.  

Talking about this is never an easy task, simply because the complexities of depression are too many to pin down and too quickly changing to ever perfectly flesh out or name. Plus, everyone's experience with depression is unique and nuanced.

I wrestled recently with whether or not to write this post. There have been several tragedies around us in recent weeks and in this past year, and I would never dare to use anything happening in real time as a platform for a conversation that could be lost somewhere in the vagueness of distant ideological clouds hovering above real and raw scenes of pain and loss. And yet, like any time before or after these very real moments, it is ALWAYS the right time to talk about depression, about the wars people are waging on the inside and the people around them who may be completely unaware of it.

According to a Washington Post article back in June of this year, “nearly 45,000 suicides occurred in the United States in 2016 — more than twice the number of homicides — making it the 10th-leading cause of death. Among people ages 15 to 34, suicide is the second-leading cause of death.” The article goes on to say that suicide has been re-categorized from a “mental health problem” to a “public health problem.

While there is certainly a dividing line between depression and being suicidal, both can derive from related experiences and battles, and feelings associated with both are branches that come from the same tree trunk. I know what it's like to live inside yourself in a forest of emotions and pain. I recognize those moments where, even if to everyone else around us our lives seem pretty great, "hashtag blessed", or relatively positive, there can also remain real demons on the inside. They pay no mind to the state of your life, as they are only focused on keeping you lost in the forest and among the trees.

When someone we know and love makes the decision to take their own life, it naturally rips us to our core. Entire families and surrounding communities are affected by these tragedies. We wish and want to have been able to provide safe spaces for these people to be real and raw and brutally honest. While it doesn't mean a safe space prevents these tragedies from taking place, it lets people know that they are not alone. It’s not just to let them know that there are people physically near to them for comfort, but also that there are dozens of people in their same shoes who are walking the difficult and treacherous path of dealing with their own forests and trees.

A huge problem with depression and mental illness is that they both have stigmas around them. People are separated from the herd if they seem to be dealing with something on the inside. We avoid them or we simply don’t know what to say or how to help. An indirect result of this is that many people keep their pain hidden away on the inside, away from any human detection. However, it would be cheap and low to ever suggest that people who are depressed simply “hide away” their pain. Often times, depression exists in and of itself on the inside (or even right alongside real joy and happiness). I’m not a psychologist or counselor, but as someone who has struggled with deep internal pain I can say with certainty that it is not always pain brought from something external and kept within a hidden and internal place. Sometimes it begins and has always existed exclusively on the inside. Other times, it is the result of something, possibly something traumatizing. Depression can be biological, environmental, nurtured or instinctive, detectable or completely invisible.  

Regardless of how each person deals and exists within their personal journey with depression, we as a public must STOP sweeping this under the rug and begin acknowledging it as a common place to be in and create safe spaces where people can be raw, open, and honest with exactly where they are at emotionally and mentally.

These safe spaces, of all places, must exist within the Church. For many churches, they already do. I know and have seen many incredible communities of faith embracing the call to tackle depression head-on and help people find healthy ways to express themselves and seek the love, support, and professional help they need to walk through life understanding their unique pain. Depression doesn't have a perfect test subject, and therefore it also cannot have a perfect antidote. 

There are a few more things about depression that I know are true in my own life, and I fully disclaim that these are my humble opinions on sensitive matters, so please take all of it for what it is:

First, depression is not always a season. Depression is sometimes something a person faces day by day, step by step, indefinitely. It’s a journey, yes, but it is not always an isolated experience. You can be fine one day and then the next day be in the valley. Sometimes, it can even be moment to moment. Everyone experiences it in different ways, so we also need to be careful with how we lump people together in their pain.

Secondly, we must stop saying that those who take their own life were "just being selfish" or "inconsiderate of those around them". We must even hold in tension the tendency to call it a “choice”. I believe that in a hundred different other moments and scenarios, people who succumb to their pain would have otherwise chosen to make a different decision. While it only takes one moment to make an irreversible choice lost in your own struggle, we must understand that often the decision is not just impulsive or irrational, as I believe these people themselves are victims of an invisible homicide. It's so much more complex than just "making a choice". And I think when we acknowledge this, it can become a conversation with others who may have otherwise romanticized someone else’s decision as a way to justify them making a similar one.

Again, I am no expert in the complex and nuanced pieces surrounding mental health, but I am someone who lives in the midst of the forest known as depression. We have to keep talking about this. We have to keep creating safe spaces for others to talk about this and to be able to express themselves without fear of judgment or isolation.

We also have to continue to remind others that THEY ARE NOT ALONE. We have to take back this foolish notion that good people, people of faith, or people who have been fortunate in life have to hide their true emotions behind some false expectation of “having it altogether always” or “putting on their happy face”. The Church needs to continue to be a hospital for the sick, rather than a social hangout for the seemingly healthy. We’re all in this together. We are not alone.

We're in a moment in our culture. Depression is real and suicide is on the rise. We can't run from it. We can't ignore it. We also can't demonize it or simplify the symptoms. People are hurting and need the love and support of others to flesh out the pain and find true healing. 

I would encourage anyone struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts to reach out. Don't be afraid of the big, bad word "counseling". I have been in counseling for years. Again, while it's not a perfect solution, counseling is a safe space to let it all out and to find ways to manage and cope within the struggle. 

Another way to curb the pain is to join a youth group within a community of safe friends and trusted adults. It may sound cliche to offer spiritual nourishment as a way to heal, but is true.

The goal is to throw everything against the wall and see what sticks for you. The key is to keep doing and trying something... anything.

Finally, for those of you who are like me and have struggled with depression, may you simply know that you are not alone. May you understand that there is hope beyond the pain. Maybe you see the sun shine on the days that feel cloudy. Most of all, may you hear and know the words of your Savior; a God Who deeply loves you, is for you, and sits with you in your pain.

Deuteronomy 31:8- "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

John 16:33- “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Matthew 11:28-30- "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Romans 8:38-39- "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Isaiah 41:10- "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

So, dear brothers and sisters, FEAR NOT THE STORM. If God is for you, nothing can stand against you. There are people who love you. There are people who care. There are safe places and spaces to hurt and to heal. There is a brighter tomorrow. God loves you and he knows your name.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.