Fly on the Wall

I’m a conscious observer. I love to be a part of the action while not necessarily being at the center of it. It’s something I’ve noticed in myself more and more the older I get.

I’m not all that different from the average house fly. I move around from place to place frantically, often forgetting to take the time to be present in the place I land. Sometimes I see a large hand in my peripheral vision, occasionally real and often times not. I inevitably spend more time making certain that I avoid being swatted than the necessary time focused on landing altogether.

But in a different way, I also love to sit just a little bit out of sight, in an inconspicuous corner of the wall where no determined homeowners can see or swat me.

I realized all of this the other day as a sat in a department faculty meeting, surrounded on all sides by well-respect educators, brilliant minds in their areas of studies with years upon years of knowledge, credentials, expertise, and wisdom to absorb. I often wonder how I end up in the midst of these people. But this has always been my story.

I’ve lived and traveled abroad and more often than not surrounded myself by more capable people than myself. I’ve helped edit and produce materials used by managers who direct the outcomes desired while never directly influencing those outcomes on my own. I’ve been in support roles to leaders and directors who have influence on profound organizations and institutions, all the while observing and engaging without directly turning the wheels of influence. I even married a pastor and have always found myself somewhere in the midst of her ministries. It’s an interesting place to always fall into in life. It’s not a bad thing at all really. It’s like being the catcher for Nolan Ryan. The boom operator on the set of an Oscar-winning film. The backup singer’s backup singer for Aretha Franklin. The cowbell in the Blue Oyster Cult. These people all find themselves right there, up close next to incredible and amazing events, but left out of the pages that denote their historic worth.

I wasn’t ok with this most of my life. I was hungry and still often crave the spotlight. And most of my friends went to school to become something specific and identifiable- a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, a pastor, a public official. They sought to have a face that eventually people would know and recognize. They would build and maintain things out of nothing and direct how they might benefit society. It’s often times what leadership is most often characterized around.

But the reality is that not everyone can be Batman. We need Robin (minus the bright yellow tights). We need the people behind the people. Otherwise, leaders crumble. For whatever qualities and hard work brought people into places of influence and notoriety, it is the people supporting them than often times keep the boat floating.

I’m a creative person. I love creating things that come from nothing but a thought or feeling inside of me. But as is true for many creative introverts, I don’t often create for the benefit and enjoyment of others. Often times it is an outlet more than a mouthpiece; a tangible railing to hold onto rather than a banner to wave in the fight.

And yet sometimes, there is an area somewhere different than both of these means of using creativity that often gets overlooked. It is, in fact, the place most often where creativity lies. It stems from something unknown into places unseen, underneath the soil where a beautiful flower might end up growing. It’s the behind-the-scenes part of a world otherwise forgotten. I guess it’s good that people enjoy the beauty of a flower, even if they aren’t consciously thinking about where it came from.

In a way, being a fly on the wall is God’s work. Think about it. How often does something happen or does someone accomplish or produce something without most of us realizing how much had to happen for that thing to occur? God works in the background of life. He doesn’t always get the credit or thanks, even when He should. He’s the still small voice in the midst of booming loud noises. It’s quite His character. Don't misunderstand me that I'm suggesting that I am like God. Far from it.

Yet, in a world where everyone wants to lead, where all of us want to be recognized, and where the majority of us want to receive credit where credit is due, it’s a refreshing peace to know that having an impact can happen in a variety of ways, not just in the spotlight of things.

We can be flies buzzing from place to place, landing when necessary to observe a variety of different things and finding those quiet and often undetected ways of influencing the means to which things get done.

If there’s one thing about flies that I admire as much as I hate, it’s that they are hard to catch, difficult to swat, and impossible to pin down.

They just keep moving.